Seeking My Best Self

trying to make sense of my life – and lose some weight

The Only Weapon I Have

robinR. is the nephew of one of my dearest friends (and by strange coincidence, close childhood buddy of Bryan) – by all accounts a creative genius, caring friend, loving person.

Today at age 28, his life ended. At his own hand.

I don’t know many particulars about R. I didn’t know him personally. I do know that he suffered from a physiological disease called depression that those afflicted will do anything – ANYTHING – to escape.

This morning, before I heard the news, I watched Robin William’s appearance on Inside the Actor’s Studio. He was brilliant, as always. Funny. Occasionally quiet and thoughtful. I’ve had a schoolgirl crush on him since the Mork & Mindy days, and as I watched, I wept to think of him forever removed from my world. Perhaps, I thought, it was time for me to talk openly about my experience as a suicide survivor (the phrase commonly used to describe those who have lost a loved one to self-death.) Maybe I might dissuade someone who was contemplating permanent relief from their relentless agony.

I’m not wondering anymore. Hearing the news about R, I know it’s time to speak and write openly, because depression is a killer that leaves desolation in its wake. I choose to engage this foe with the only weapon I have – my story. Perhaps the telling will dissuade others from seeing suicide as an analgesic. Perhaps it will stir research into depression and other illnesses. If nothing else, I hope it will cause people – perhaps you, dear reader – to donate to such research.

I have writing to do. And praying. Please pray for R’s family. Thank you.

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It’s a Gut Feeling

gutWe feel less satisfied when we regularly eat a high-fat diet.  It means that over time, we have to eat more and MORE to get our endorphin high.  It’s been thought that our tastebuds were responsible, that these were the organs that developed a ‘tolerance’.

But recent research indicates this is not the case. Turns out, it’s a gut feeling. Yep, it’s our stomach that decides when we’re satiated.  And when we routinely eat high-fat foods, it becomes desensitized, requiring ever-greater quantities before it will release the ‘all full and happy’ hormone.

The good news is, this research also showed that if we STOP eating a high fat diet, our gut will reset itself. We’ll return to a normal dopamine response, which leads to ingestion of fewer calories, which leads to weight loss. Woo-hoo!

Here’s the article:


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