I crawled out of bed this morning, stumbled to the bathroom, flipped on the light, and caught sight of my naked self in the mirror. I saw an hourglass shape: large rounded breasts, small waist, lovely curve of tummy, hip and thigh. I saw long, free locks tumbling over my chest and shoulders.
I stopped and stared. I thought, “Wow. I’m really beautiful.”
What??? That’s NOT my usual reaction when I see myself naked.
But this morning I didn’t have my glasses on yet, so I couldn’t see the dimples and ripples and jiggles and sags that usually command my attention. I could only see the outline. The big picture. And it looked pretty darn good to me.
I find it both sad and amusing that at age 57 – deep in menopause, when all hope of rock-hard firmness is gone, when skin elasticity cannot be regained, when my weight is higher than my Wii or my doctor would prefer – that NOW is when I can look at myself and say “Damn, girl, you’re hot.” Why couldn’t my firm, thin young self have known that?
I can blame coming of age in the skinny 70’s, when the ‘ideal woman’ looked like an undernourished pre-adolescent boy with cartoon bosoms. I can blame society, men, women, parents, Hollywood, Argentina, porn…the list of righteous blaming runs long. But blaming moves me into the past. It detracts from the joy of now.
So I put that thought down and step away, consciously choosing to bask in my current self-acceptance rather than wallow in moments gone by. I can’t change them. Why relive them? Much dissatisfaction and even depression comes when I focus on the past or the future. Disciplining myself to the now produces a much more positive paradigm, especially when I look at the big picture.
It’s like the moment in the mirror. When I can’t see all the pesky little details, the overall picture looks pretty perfect. Yes, there are imperfections, some of which can be changed/improved/eliminated and some of which cannot. But if I focus only on the minutia, I lose the beauty of the whole.
So I choose a vision of myself, of my life, and of the world that fills my heart, my soul AND my eyes with joy and self-acceptance. I vow to look at myself – and my life – without glasses more often.
Seeking My Best Self 