Seeking My Best Self

trying to make sense of my life – and lose some weight

The Only Weapon I Have

on September 5, 2014

robinR. is the nephew of one of my dearest friends (and by strange coincidence, close childhood buddy of Bryan) – by all accounts a creative genius, caring friend, loving person.

Today at age 28, his life ended. At his own hand.

I don’t know many particulars about R. I didn’t know him personally. I do know that he suffered from a physiological disease called depression that those afflicted will do anything – ANYTHING – to escape.

This morning, before I heard the news, I watched Robin William’s appearance on Inside the Actor’s Studio. He was brilliant, as always. Funny. Occasionally quiet and thoughtful. I’ve had a schoolgirl crush on him since the Mork & Mindy days, and as I watched, I wept to think of him forever removed from my world. Perhaps, I thought, it was time for me to talk openly about my experience as a suicide survivor (the phrase commonly used to describe those who have lost a loved one to self-death.) Maybe I might dissuade someone who was contemplating permanent relief from their relentless agony.

I’m not wondering anymore. Hearing the news about R, I know it’s time to speak and write openly, because depression is a killer that leaves desolation in its wake. I choose to engage this foe with the only weapon I have – my story. Perhaps the telling will dissuade others from seeing suicide as an analgesic. Perhaps it will stir research into depression and other illnesses. If nothing else, I hope it will cause people – perhaps you, dear reader – to donate to such research.

I have writing to do. And praying. Please pray for R’s family. Thank you.

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One response to “The Only Weapon I Have

  1. Kristy says:

    Humans are the only species that kill themselves. The survival instinct underlies everything we know to be true about biology, yet humans are astonishingly able to pervert that drive, almost always in response to depression. With astonishing frequency. The same policies and place to protect people’s privacy are the same policies that keep the numbers hidden. We have to get a better handle on this. We’ve got to talk about it. I’m glad you’re “coming out.”

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