I’m tired of this <gesturing at my mid-section> – how does this even HAPPEN? And why won’t it go away?
Liquid diet. Today it’s going to be a liquid diet. Yesterday, the Tarot cards said it was time for a vacation and for detoxification. Relaxation and detox it is.
Yes, I read Tarot cards. I have for three decades. I don’t talk about it much, because my credibility goes down several notches with people when they find out. Like, if I shuffle and interpret cards, my veracity with photography or mathematics or baseball or curing diaper rash is suddenly suspect.
Really? What do YOU do in the privacy of your own home? Don’t answer. I might not be able to believe your legal, medical, technical, or practical advice anymore.
Honestly, I was skeptical about Tarot for many years, yet I found them irresistable – and uncannily accurate.
For example, years ago, a friend threw a party and asked me to bring my cards. That evening, I did a reading for a stranger, and it was the worst throw I’d ever seen. I look for the positive, even in challenging readings, because I want people to feel encouraged, not depressed. But it was next to impossible to say ANYTHING that wouldn’t be….bad. So I mumbled some generalized words, and stumbled to a halt.
Turns out, her husband was standing nearby, listening to what I had to say. He sneered, “That’s so general! It could apply to anyone. This is just a bunch of fucking bullshit.” And off he swaggered (or stumbled. It had been quite the party, and none of us were walking straight by this time. My inebriation *might* have played a role in what came next.)
Well, the gauntlet had been thrown. I grabbed it up (literary license, you understand), excused myself from his wife and followed him into the kitchen. Once we were out of sight, I grabbed him by the collar, banged his head up against the refrigerator (yes, I really did) and hissed, “So you want to know what the cards said. Here it is: they said you’re having an affair, or are about to, and the results of it might cause you to leave her. They say she’s teetering on the edge of financial and emotional ruin, and there’s not a damn thing she can do to affect the outcome, she can only sit and wait on your sorry ass. Would you have preferred I tell her all that?”
“Holy fuck,” he whispered. “It really told you all that?”
It really did. So don’t mock me about my Tarot reading – at least, not when we’ve been drinking.
Where was I? (I like to think I’m much more interesting now that my brain has started popping and fizzing with age – in my younger years, I would have stayed on topic and you never would have known I am capable of such…force.) Oh, yes. Detoxification. Liquid diet.
I’m going to stick to a liquid diet for a day or two – see if I can’t keep my calorie count ridiculously low, and push myself past this plateau. Details on the detox next time. For now…
…P-U-S-H-I-N-G.
Seeking My Best Self 
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